


nothing I change changes anything

by sandyk



Series: walk it back [5]
Category: Superstore (TV)
Genre: Discussion of gun control, F/M, after effects from gun violence, au from valentine's day s2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-30
Updated: 2018-03-30
Packaged: 2019-04-14 23:33:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14147049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sandyk/pseuds/sandyk
Summary: Amy felt guilty. "There's no reason for that," Dina said. "Jonah's hasn't left his apartment for three weeks and who knows when he'll be back working, not on you."





	nothing I change changes anything

**Author's Note:**

> for gwyo: pessimistic. not mine, no profit garnered. title from the national's walk it back.

Amy felt guilty. "There's no reason for that," Dina said. "Jonah's hasn't left his apartment for three weeks and who knows when he'll be back working, not on you. All his repression and bad parenting."

"I don't think you can blame it on bad parenting," Amy said. 

"I can," Dina said. 

"I don't," Amy said. "You do your best. No one prepares you for anything."

Dina rolled her eyes. 

"Emma's so stressed out. All the stuff in the news and me almost getting shot, she's clingy and she argues a lot on the internet and she made me and Adam both turn in our guns--"

"Why would you do that? You're both responsible gun owners, they were licensed handguns. Cloud 9 doesn't even sell assault rifles, not since March," Dina said.

"Emma asked," Amy said. "Imagine if one of your birds asked you." 

Dina paused. "Okay, but only if Pikachu asked. The rest of them are assholes."

Amy went from work to Jonah's place. 

"Hey," she said. "You up for sex yet?"

Jonah grinned. "Nope, doctor and shrink say no."

"Are you still skyping that guy in Chicago?" Amy opened his refrigerator. There were multiple plastic containers of food. "What's all this food?"

"Don't tell because I'm sure he's embarrassed, but Mateo's been making me Filipino dishes and dropping them off every few days. I think he feels guilty," Jonah said.

"I don't believe you," Amy said. It was definitely Mateo's handwriting on the containers. "I can't believe Mateo's capable of that."

"He is," Jonah said. "I was just as shocked. And yeah, I'm skyping with the shrink my mom picked. I think it's helping. Plus all the drugs. It's a bad idea to repress everything?"

"Who would have thought that?" Amy sat down next to him. "You smell bad. Go shower."

She started eating some Filipino dessert Mateo had sent over. After ten minutes, Jonah came out of the bathroom only wearing his boxers. He looked skinny and pale. She remembered the first time they'd had sex in the back of his car. It was a really good memory. 

He said to her, "You know, your love can't fix me."

"Oh, God, I know. You are, like, a giant gaping hole of broken, it would take multiple people to love you that much if it wouldn't even work. Maybe if you were polyamorous, you'd have a chance. Or you had a harem," Amy said. 

"Okay, good," Jonah said. She leaned on his bony shoulder and started to fall asleep. 

She woke up on his couch, the two of them sleeping next to each other. 

She was in the habit of going by his place, every night she didn't have Emma. Nights she had Emma, her daughter would sometimes make them go over. Emma felt strongly that Jonah was their responsibility. "That's really not the case," Amy said. "Don't be like me, don't take on responsibility for the whole world. Then you try to break free of it and you overreact and you're only responsible for your own actions. Do your best and stuff."

"Mom, we should make a difference," Emma said. "We should help people."

"Sure," Amy said. "Sure. Be good people. But there's good people and there's worrying yourself sick. You'll get burnt out. Everything that happened to Jonah, happened a long time ago. It all just rushed up and bit him."

"But he's getting better," Emma said. "Right?"

"Of course," Amy said. 

"Are you going to date him again then?"

"If he wants, I guess," Amy said. "I might even date him sooner than that."

The gourmet Filipino foods didn't stop even when Jonah finally left the house. He wasn't quite back to work. "He'll probably stop then."

"You mean when he sees you in person and he's reminded of how he feels about you?"

"Mateo loves me," Jonah said. "Like you."

"Hopefully in slightly different ways," Amy said. They were holding hands and strolling in the humid overcast day. "Like, you know, Mateo is not attracted to you sexually."

"He claims that," Jonah said. 

"No, he goes off a lot about how unattractive you are," Amy said.

"He protests too much," Jonah said. "He wants me. Remember we are talking about someone who genuinely felt Jeff was attractive."

"Are you saying you're like Jeff, only with hair?" 

"Pretty much," Jonah said. "And it's time to head back into the house. You know my shrink actually wants me to go to back to work in Cloud 9. An actual person who talks to my family on a regular basis thinks Cloud 9 is the place for me. Although, that might be because my family and my shrink have given up on me ever having a job that's more than retail at a middling big box store."

"I don't think it's that," Amy said. She opened the door for him. "Plus, Cloud 9 isn't so bad. Just one incredibly traumatic hold up and some negotiation and I've got a $50,000 settlement in Emma's college fund."

"College tuition is going way up. Maybe you should get held up again in case she decides to go out of state," Jonah said. "Just kidding. I don't want that to happen to you. Apparently two makes you super agoraphobic and super anxious."

"Are they giving you money?"

Jonah flopped down on the couch. "They sure are. But I actually got shot, so I can go to a private out of state colleges."

"Also, I do love you," Amy said. 

"You just love me for the chance for Emma to get her Masters," Jonah said. But he put his arm around her. 

He was definitely moody sometimes. And quiet in a freaky bizarro Jonah way. He snapped at her sometimes. He asked her not to bring Emma over too often because he had to work too hard not to be an asshole. "Because I like her, you know?"

Amy said, "So no moving in yet."

Jonah said, "I'm a catch. Adam will totally approve."

"Hey, I'm not dead because of you, Adam's even forgiven you for the affair," Amy said.

"You told him?" Jonah looked shocked. 

"I almost died," Amy said. "So yes, I told him. And he forgave me. And you."

Jonah frowned. "Do I really deserve that? Is it expiation that I almost sacrificed myself for you? I don't think redemption works that way."

"I think Adam gets to decide whether he forgives you or not, and he did, so take that," Amy said. She gave up on following him pacing around the living room and sat on the couch. She looked to the side of the TV and saw a framed picture she hadn't seen before. It had to be Jonah's mother, there was a young woman with a toddler on her lap and two older boys standing behind her. The woman's smile was one hundred percent Jonah. "Is that your mother?"

"Yup," Jonah said. "Sera's pregnant again, I mean, she's due any day now. They're naming the baby girl Nora. Which is my mother's name. They keep checking if it's okay with me, but I mean, of course it is. They remember her more than I do. They live in Chicago, when I have kids, which is probably a ways off, they'll grow up here. So two cousins named Nora, years apart, it's fine."

"People get into huge fights about baby names," Amy said. 

"Not me," Jonah said. He sat down next to her. He leaned over and kissed her on the mouth. "I love you, too." 

"Oh, good." She gripped his arms. "You're what I want, you, right now, not right now like that'll change, but right now like as you are and as you change going forward."

"You deserve better, but I'll take it," Jonah said.


End file.
